Sunday, March 31, 2013

on the deposit slip/ soul love saga

On the deposit slip

I have completely demoralized you.

Using you as the object of my desire

Can you feel the heat?

Radiating from between my legs? Come in

Aching for you to come in.

I don’t have time to get to know you.

Commit, talk or date

I just want a thrust of your education

I want to know your body, eyes and smile

When you come in.

My mind spins, my body hurts

And you could fix it.

I’m open,

My choice is free



Saturday, March 30, 2013

the brain/35/soul love saga

The brain

Illuminates the seventh chakra. Indigo in pure light

Spirituality in serenity

The brain

Workings of each individual man, woman and child

The brain

A rhythm for the syntax

Firing and connecting in the psyche

The brain is infinite in possibilities_

Infinite in realms

+worlds- living in unison between dreams+ realities
 
 



Friday, March 29, 2013

birthday/35/soul love saga

Birthday


$ I am 35
my Birthday today with a few lines
caressing my eyes furrowing my brow

%
my body with raging cortisol
The days of the mother
are full of checks+balances
that don't include time
for care.


^
The lace under my black velvet
skirt doesn't show much.


&
My black knee high boots
in disguises my Goth
The autumn sun exaggerates
reds, greens and gold’s
last dying days of life
as cold chlorophyll reaches the elements








 

 

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Another night rolls in, I clutch my blanket not sure what the night holds. I think about those moments I missed by not saying what I meant. Maybe it would have changed my whole world. Still my heart aches for what could have been. My heart aches to take those moments back so I could say what was really in my heart. The only thing I have left from those times is this cherished blanket that I hold dear. The one that holds me through each and every time that I have been left to wander about my pivotal moments in my so called life. The nights falls like it always does and here I am in my own mind.

A mind that is full of guilt about the way my kids have had to live through their young lives. Dealing with a mother whose ability to parent has been laden with responsibility. Dealing with siblings whose problems are bigger than their beliefs. Still we curl up spooned in my blanket feeling its warmth and stability no matter what life brings us. At the end of the day the lights go off and the stillness that blankets our room is what saves us. The comfort we find in each other’s arms is unmatched. Even when the patches start to unsew themselves knot magik has kept it together like a prayer.

 

scammed/34/soul love saga

I had been looking for a job and found one on craigslist for a pca. I applied and was hired. The story that they gave me was that the woman had a stroke and was staying with her daughter in New York while she recovered. We wrote back and forth for about a month. There were some things that were off and some unanswered questions. This is not unusual while dealing with people in this field so I just proceeded. She was going to need me to get a list of supplies one of them was a wheel chair , towels, food and some linens. The wheel chair I had to send for I thought that it was strange but whatever I thought I was getting paid for it.

I received the check and opened a bank account. Telling my bank teller that it was a new employer and I wanted to wait for the check to clear before proceeding with the instructions so the next week it cleared. I had been calling everyday waiting for everything to clear. When the teller said that the check cleared I proceeded with the instructions.  Which was to withdraw the whole amount of the check, send off the money for the wheel chair through western union to this person in co? Well come to find out I started getting calls by the end of the month that my checks were bouncing. Only I had submitted my financial aid check into my account about three thousand dollars so there should have been no problems. Well turns out that the check really didn’t clear. It bounced. So then the bank emptied my account, took my financial aid and let my checks bounce.  After talking to the police who told me that they wouldn’t do anything unless it was over  $30,000. Same with the FBI. Both of whom couldn’t believe that the bank would take my money and couldn't fathom how they could tell me a check could clear and then take all my money. I talked to the DA and she told me that there was nothing that she could do. Though she did call the bank and let them know what had happened and told them that they needed to educated their tellers. I called and talked to the manager of the bank and let them know what happened.

So meanwhile every time I check my mail I see when this person is online. Using the same name. I even tried to contact them after all of this to see if they would have some pity on me and send me my money back. I tried several different ways to no avail. He did say that he would recruit me and teach me how to do what he did saying he pulls in about $2,500 a week. Quite honestly this has devastated my life. I couldn’t imagine myself inflicting this much pain on anyone else.


I started talking to the collections department in the bank. Because there is like $1,400 that hasn’t been paid for. Mostly because I have been out of work. I thought that the communication was working for me and that this person Chelsea and I were trying to work through this. I wanted to know if they had insurance to cover this kind of theft. I wanted to know if they could get my name of the Chex system and I thought maybe we could arrange some sort of settlement where they could ‘loan’ me the money for this settlement and I would pay them back . The whole thing about the Chex system is that my name is in a data bank now stating that I have an unsettled checking account. I cannot get a checking account anywhere. I have been working these awful jobs through a temp agency at a factory making $8 an hour. It cost me $6.00 to cash a check now. If that is not hard enough in this economy this bank who serviced me for six years is now taking me to court. I never did get an answer to my questions to Chelsea.


My take on being summonsed to court is that I will get to go and tell my story to a judge. I believe that the bank should take some responsibility because they broke a contract that they had with me. I trusted in them to tell me the truth and to be honest. They won't go after the person who stole the money it is easier for them to go after me. I asked a question. "did the check clear?" that is when they should have told me that really it takes a month to clear, or whatever they told me after the fact. Instead they handed me my money and I assumed the transaction was done. Only it wasn't because then they took money from my other account without notifying me and my checks started bouncing. So now I owe more money. Not only that is this money is money that I borrowed from the government to go to school making this year one of the most difficult years of my life. I am a single mom of three kids with no child support.


contacted the federal trade commission and attorney general




Wednesday, March 27, 2013

whispers/34/soul love ga

Whispers

Still,

An unmovable object

Conquering time worlds apart

Words,

      Heard,

                  As they drift

                          Through the

                                           Air like clouds

If thunder was

A voice

Have you listened?

Have you heard the sound of falling rain?

As it whispers

Our Name








Friday, March 22, 2013

crystallization/35/soul love saga

Tantalizing
crystallization
formation
of dew on a
blade of grass
frosty green
wonders serene
of a crispy
cold morning
allowing us to
see or breath
saturating
the air


Thursday, March 21, 2013

cold stone/35/soul love saga

Cold stone
It’s just a cold stone
set on the ground
I trace my fingers over the clipper ship
carved into the light red
                                marble

I lay on the ground
                            where the grass pokes
me from its barren
             grave
curling up for comfort
                     I pray
       to my daddy
The man who
died before my
birth
He died
     before he
               could hold me
and tell me it would be alright















Tuesday, March 19, 2013

you can't take me down/35/soul love saga

I am so tired by days end. Running from place to place. As I run I am trying to catch up so that I can relax, meditate, or play. My days are so full of laughter and work. Doing everything to keep my family going and creating. How do you find balance in a world that keeps throwing obstacles at you.
Knowing my mission would help. Knowing why I came here in the first place  and what my life purpose is  helps. I write, and I create. I am a creator. Using and manipulating the environment around me to tell a story through words and art.  I use my stories in my art and my poems to make my pictures.
There is now stagnation to hold me down only the constant chaos that keeps my motor in turned on.









You can’t take me down
with rejection
the words stir inside
of me so loud
I want to scream
and shout the truth
of everything that ever was
or will be
Justice for the unrecognizable
terms  
that matter to all our people
for those who work from the time they
get up until the time they go to bed
I found my life’s purpose
to inspire + create
to push the doors
open
to possibilities

You can’t take me down

I have a story to tell



Monday, March 18, 2013

venus/35/soul love saga

Venus


 

 

As with my ghost

death has come upon the best of us
Venus has shattered
her pieces scream


Saturday, March 16, 2013

touching the sky/35/soul love saga

*Touching the sky

My momma said
these roots that I grow will stabilize me
yet they have held me down
and strangled my wings
feather by feather
like the leaves that fall
on the wind
they drift back and forth
on unforeseen currents
I hold out my hand tryin to catch the last of the warmth

the feathers provide as they leave

my roots in the paper work
each time I sign my name
I do it all for my children
every promise sends
more of myself in search of nutrients

so to stabilize me
us
yet I grow
my spirituality not yet
touching the sky
My spirituality rooted out

        out of chaos
shared as my hair dreads
as I dread repetition

My mind wanders as I soar,
tell death I do my part


strangersas friends/19/soul love saga

strangers as friends

making fun anywhere
we were so close
now
we are so far
away
Our lives coincided so many times
So hard to handle never mind the truth
you’ve seen me through my weakest
moments
your words are weird
"hold on to life dear"
I still love your evil eyes

Friday, March 15, 2013

giai revalations/36/soul love saga

What an interesting moment in time,

When worlds collide and nothing is as it seems.

Independence is compromised

By co dependence

Just so we can survive.

Indigo inspirations in giai revelations